What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 03:02
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What are some hard rock or heavy metal bands that are overrated?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She loved him until the end.
Comes on , in middle age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My family never makes their pension either.
What are mean nicknames to call my sister? She is always so mean to me.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My life is so biszare .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Especially a lifetime of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
How do you handle your mother-in-law after you heard her talking badly about you in the next room?
Im still living with it.
She wouldn,t have been !
I had hoped to write a book about this .
How do you go about getting invited to an orgy?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
How do I identify fake friends in life?
So whats the point in blame.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I said to her
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She married twice! .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
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He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But, we were locked up after school.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot live in the past .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She found it foreign!.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He knew the spot.
I was 9 years of age.
Ive learnt so much.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
It was going to be , some day.
Would this be the day?
We all went to grammer schools
I will be 64.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was very sick at this time too.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was scared of men, in general
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But it wasn’t much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I have no regrets .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I think the readers, may guess!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Put me off passion for life!!
We were not on the streets..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
When she asked me how she looked .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I don,t even have a pension.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What did i know ?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
This is soul school!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why did i forgive my father ?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was in good health!
I write beautiful poetry .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
All the time i was locked up.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I waited trembling.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i lived it daily.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Who then, do I blame.?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was seconnd youngest,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Was to survive, this bastard.